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A Quick Hello/Update

Hello All!

A couple of days ago my dear friend revpanthera reminded me of LJ and told me I had not been forgotten here.  So I decided that it was time to a quick update.

First of all thanks to all of you for your kind words of support during my miscarriage.  The emotional roller coaster was bit extreme for me, but I managed to get to the end of the ride and am doing fine.  I found that going back to work and concentrating on my son kept my mind busy and helped the healing process move quicker.  

Shortly after the miscarriage I also had surgery to remove a large fibroid tumor.  That also went well.  I did not have to have the hysterectomy which was a great relief to me.  As I mentioned before it isn't so much that I NEED to have another child, if we do ok, but I just didn't want someone else (the doctors) telling me that I couldn't.  Somehow I needed to be able to make that decision for myself.

Well, now on to happier topics.  My son is 19 months old!  He is walking and is beginning a small vocabulary.  This consists of Uh-Oh, EEEWWW, No, Mommy and Thank you.  There is the occasional Papa, but for the most part he is Mama's boy.  

I won't bore everyone with all the other details that are more likely than not just exciting to me.

Finally my boyfriend (I think more accurately described by the street term "my baby-daddy") and I have finally decided to get married.  We have been together over 4 years now (engaged for at least 2, maybe 3) so I suppose it is about time.  We are not going for a traditional church/religious ceremony.  In fact it is still up in the air.  Once we decide where to have our event I am sure the rest will fall in place.  And this is the most exciting news yet.

revpanthera has graciously agreed to marry us! How exciting!  What could make a wedding day more special
than it is already suppose to be, but an amazing,  loving friend there to make it all official. 

Well, I suppose that is all I have for now.  I'm still not sure how much time I will have to visit here, but I will do my best to pop in every now and again with an update. 

Hope everyone is happy and doing well! Thanks again for everything.

Big Hugs for Everyone!!

Taking a LJ break

Since I miscarried in August I haven't logged in much.  I have been dealing with a bunch of little things that really should not have been stressing me out, but have.

Today I went to see my OB/GYN and will be going in for surgery next month to have some rather large fibroids removed.  

I was quite excited about this news...finally having it taken care of.  The largest one pressures against my bladder so it (my bladder) is never really empty and I am constantly fighting bladder/urinary track infections so this should be a long waited relief.  

Somehow the excitement/relief has turned into depression as the reality hit me that the possibility of this fibroid removal turn into a hysterectomy is more likely than I wanted to believe.  Not having another child doesn't upset me as much as the whole idea of not being able to make a choice.

Sounds stupid huh?

I know I am already thinking about the "what if" and I should just concentrate on the surgery itself as it comes and cross all other bridges as they come.  I will definitely try that is one of the reasons I have decided to put my live journal on hold for awhile.  I need to pull myself out of this "funk" and concentrate on my son and the needs of my family right now.

Thank you all for your friendships and kind words along the way.  I plan on keeping my friend list.  I do plan on coming back someday. I'm just not sure when.

Everyone take care.....and please remember me in your prayers as I search for the strength to deal.

I haven't been here much lately.  In fact I haven't been on-line anywhere for a few weeks.  I have experienced the loss of my unborn child.  It has been difficult for me, but I am slowly getting my life back to "normal".  I am blessed to have my son that needs my attention for that keeps me sane and helps me through the bad moments.

I should thank those of you who were/are there to support me. Just having friends to pull me out of my "funk" once in awhile and remind me about the "real" world was/is a great help. Thank you all so much.

I'm not sure when I will be back to my normal "surfing" habits, so I wanted to stop in and let everyone know that I am indeed doing fine.  Just taking a bit of time for myself.

I do not understand.....please pray

I have not been here for awhile...things are too crazy in my life right now. I hope to be able to spend more time here again...in the meantime I would like to ask all of you to pray (Regardless of your beliefs/ religion) for my friend's daughter and her twins. 

Kasey found out weeks ago (She is now 5 months into her pregnancy)  that she has Twin To Twin Transfer Syndrome.  Basically the blood flow & nourishment is not equal between the twins.  Yesterday she was told that the smaller of the two has brain damage (the severity is not known) and the larger one has developed heart problems.  This morning she underwent surgery to correct the blood flow between the two.  Although the surgery was a success and there was an immediate improvement the survival of the twins is still uncertain.

We are all very sad and angry at our health system.  Kasey was deemed high risk weeks ago and steps should have been taken to help her much sooner/faster, but because she is low income and her health coverage is provided by the state she was not treated as well as someone (such as myself) who has been blessed with good benefits. Yes, I have also been low income and see the difference in how I was treated then compared the the care I receive now. 

It sickens me that this operation that may have saved these twins lives this morning could have been done weeks ago and not only saved lives, but prevented the possibilities of the permanent disabilities that now may be irreversible.

No, none of us could ever prove that this is what actually happened.  Some may say that all patients are treated with the same concern regardless of insurance coverage and that those of us who feel different are completely wrong. It is only in our own minds.

Well, I could go on and on expressing my opinion about such things, but I am suppose to be working.

Once again the real reason for this entry is not to vent, but to ask all of you for your support of prayer. 

Thanks to all of you who take the time to read this.  I may not be back to respond for awhile, but I will in fact update as soon as I am able.

I'm back.....

Well, I didn't really go anywhere.  Life just suddenly got very hectic.  We were painting house and landscaping our yard.  As well  as tearing our the old kitchen floor to make way for tile.  We are now in the process of refinancing and getting stuff together to send to the in-laws (two totally non-related events). We now also have a leak in the main bathroom that desperately needs a plumber (that I will call tomorrow morning when I get off work) and we are putting plans together to revamp the master bath.  Now with all that going on we also found out that we are now expecting our second child...yes, I will once again become a mommy.  A bit of a surprise.  I must make clear that is is NOT an unpleasant surprise.  We definately wanted another baby...we just didn't think it would happen so soon (my son is only 11 months).  We are really excited.  It seems that there is change all around me...not just in the appearance of my home, but in my life as well, and so far I am enjoying it.  (If I could only get the brother-in-law off my couch!)  

So, no official due date yet.  My cycles were so messed up that I am really uncertain how far along I am.  We are guesstimating sometime in Feb/Mar.  Although my belly certainly looks much larger!

Finally one of my best friends also found out a few weeks past that she will be "Nana" again.  Her youngest daughter is now expecting and yesterday she informed me that not she is no longer expecting  her 2nd grand-baby, but her 2nd AND 3rd!  Yep, her daughter has been told she is going to have twin boys.  How fun.  The babies will be due sometime the end of Nov. beginning of Dec.

So there it is...change everywhere.

Work again

Well, here I am at work again.  It is a slow day which in some ways is a good thing.  The only bad part is that it appears our clock has stopped!

My job is not very physical and it drains me to sit here.  We have treadmills and other exercise equipment available for use, but it seems that it can become just busy enough not to be able to get in a nice walk.  12 hour shifts are exhausting, even when the workload is light.  Night times are worse. Thank goodness for the computers and our ability to surf.  Management threatens us all the time, but for the most part as long as we keep it clean no one says much.

One of our old timers once described our job as hours of boredom interrupted by moments of shear terror.  And in my  6 years here I have found it to be true.  Quiet is how we want it to be because if it is not the likelihood of fire, explosion or toxic release is just too scary to think about.  Truth is I don't think about what I "really" do much because if I did I probably would not come here anymore.  The more I learn about my job the scarier my job is .  The times I think about it most is when I prepare equipment for maintenance. One mistake and I could injure someone for life. I always double check our procedures and ask for someone to look over my work.  The last thing I would want to be responsible for is the injury (or worse) of someone else. So for the most part I describe my job as boiling oil and my goal is to keep it in the pipes.

Ok I think that is enough rambling for now.  I should take a look at the board and make sure all is flowing well.  Hope everyone is having a great week so far.

Couldn't help myself *giggle*

Lots of Love....

Lots of love to revpanthera I know she probably won't be logging on for a few days, but I wanted her to have some Happy Posts to read letting her know she has not been forgotten during her time of recovery. Can't wait to visit!!

Just Venting

So tonight is the second evening shift of my set.  Yesterday was a rough one since I didn't get the chance to sleep during the day.  Today  was going fine (despite the lack of sleep) until I got to work.  I have to confess I was feeling quite proud of myself.  After working a 12 hour shift  last night I got home around 6:30 in the AM 

Just once in a while I would like to feel appreciated for what I do and not judged so harshly for what small things I may overlook or just didn't have time to get to.

I think that will end my angry ramblings for this evening. 

Food ramblings

Well, the weekend at work is off to an ok start.  No real problems to speak of and everyone is pretty mellow.  We had a level issue with one of my columns, but nothing we can't handle.

My co-workers are chatting about what their families are doing today to celebrate Memorial Day.  Typical BBQs and family gatherings. 

I really have no plans although my other half is currently trying to juggle the baby while a crew is working on the tile in our  kitchen and the house is being pressure washed for paint tomorrow.

I had to remind him to put the microwave in the living room along with the baby's eating essentials.  We will not be able to walk on the kitchen floor tonight so I am assuming we will be going out to eat.  I have really gotten bored with the restaurants we typically eat at.  I would like to try  this place one of my co-workers suggested.  It is called Mo-Mo's.  It has a variety of Mexican and American foods.  I have hope the Mexican foods will be good. I have been informed that it is owned/run by a Mexican family so I do have hope.

I have been told that I have become a "taco snob".  I consider that a complement.  I never new just how far our American version of Mexican food is  from  "real" Mexican food until I started mingling with latinos.  And I must say that once I had "real" Mexican food I do have a tendency to avoid most Mexican restaurants unless they are the little "mom & pop" places.  The smaller the place and less well known it is usually leads to great home-style food. 

I suppose all food here in the states is that way.  I mean even something as simple as fish & chips doesn't taste the same here as it does overseas.  (And I so loved fish & chips when  I lived in England) 

Well, I have managed to make myself quite hungry so I think I will venture into the kitchen and warm up my lunch.

Once again I hope all of you are enjoying your holiday weekend.